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Eye contact is a form of nonverbal communication and basic element of social interaction between people. It has a large influence on our social and cognitive behavior. Eye contact and social intelligence are major skills at a job interview or in private life. Although these processes should be as natural as breathing, there are many people who has problems to use them correctly.

The eyes are the mirror to the soul. Eye contact can vary between cultures and amounts. An open and more direct eye contact could make us seem as very outgoing, but too much eye contact could show aggression and over-confidence, and in some cases  it’s the reason for conflict. However, too little eye contact could be seen as having no interest at all.

Researchers say that an effective eye contact creates a biological reaction when we are aroused or interested in someone or something. As a result our pupils begin to expand.  When he/she has a sexual interest, he/she holds the person’s gaze a little longer than normal. The same is when we have a deeper wish for success. These indicators are used as a big clue from brokers, poker player, salesmen or seducers all over the world.

A popular politicians, actors or sellers know how important the eyes are. They use their skills to keep other people interested. Thus popular people build their charisma. Some of them are able to attract and “seduce” only with the eyes, just like the former US president Bill Clinton.

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Eye contact also provides social information to the person we are going to take contact. We use eye contact instantly in our daily communication, so it’s important to learn how to use the power of the eyes more successfully and have more influence in relationships with other guys.

But how can we use it more effectively?

Direct eye contact indicates that we are listening and interested in communication. When talk to one person, it’s great to behold eye contact, but it could be a bit uncomfortable if someone stare intensely at him/her. Therefore, we can break our eye contact every 3 seconds in order to overcome an uncomfortable situation.

For more effective eye contact, we can focus our eyes a little below or between recipient’s eyes. Look into the pupils for several seconds, and smile. Try to smile with the eyes. Relax the inner state and let the gaze travel over other face – the lips, cheeks, nose, ears and hair. After that, go back and look right in the eyes.

We should try to listen with our eyes as well as our ears. If we look away, we may express boredom, don’t appreciate what we see / hear or just don’t agree.  On the other hand, to look away while speaking could be a natural sign to shift the topic or wish to stop communication. A little pause while glancing away usually means that we haven’t finished yet. Occasionally, raising and lowering eyebrows could be an effective technique to show agreement and interest as well.

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We can use one eyes technique: ‘The triangle’. This is a technique when we look at one eye for around 3 seconds, then look at the other eye for another 3 seconds, then look at the mouth for 3 seconds and then keep on rotating in this way. Using gesture such as nodding, occasional agreement words such as ‘yes’, ‘Uh –huh’ ‘mm’ etc. can complete the situation. It’s s a great way to keep the talker talking and to show interest as well.

An excellent way to show a genuine interest is when one gives lovely smile while listening to someone. The key concept is to keep the balance depending on the situation. The golden rule is to look calmly, with open eyes, a little smile no longer than a few seconds – unless we receive a smile, a backward glance, and/or a direct meeting of eyes.

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We can gaze into person’s eyes as we smile. It will make our presence more personal. When we see people who look interesting, we can turn toward them and let our gaze linger a little longer than normal.  We can wink while we are smiling. It gives an unmistakable come-hither look.

It’s a good idea if we hold our gaze if we are arguing and making our point or when we are listening to the other people. However, it is better to lower our eyes, if we are in defending stance. Sometimes, we can win other arguments without saying a word. We only need to stay calm and staring at someone who is trying to provoke us.

It’s a wonderful idea to have direct contact with all our listeners when we talk to a group of people to keep them all interested. It occurs when we focus on a different member of the group with every new sentence.

Avoiding eye contact is often because of feeling uncomfortable. If our face look stressed and our eyes are frown, we sub-communicate that we are suspicious and reserved. Often, breaking eye contact is the signal that the person could stop speaking. When we roll our eyes up, it indicates that we are yawning. Glaring under arched eyebrows could make us looking angry. If we avert our eyes out of shyness, we might be interpreted as dishonest, shy or not interested.

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You can practice how to make a direct eye contact. Then, you will be able to look directly into everyone’s eyes without even being conscious that you are doing it.  It only takes time before you develop your social interaction and your eye contact will stay more powerful and effective.

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