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approach anxiety

Approach anxiety is a fear many men have when they should start talking with unknown and attractive women. It’s a frustration due to combination of:

1)The mind subconscious thoughts

Mind subconscious thoughts come from the part of the brain which is responsible for activating fight-or-flight response (a signal for danger). This response provides the body with adrenaline and cortisol. In the ancient times, this brain part was very important because approaching some random cavewoman could potentially lead to some deadly battle between her man and approacher. However, today, the things have changed. Men won’t really have that problem when they approach a woman. But, that part of the brain is still alive.

2)False ego which gives the fear of eventual rejection.

When people are little kids, they have no concept of social rejection. They usually feel love and affection from their relatives and other people as well. When these children get older and begin to interact with one another, they start to form social groups, compete for dominance etc. Afterwards, they start understanding the triggers of people’s disapproval because of looks, personalities, character, body language etc. According to scientific research, we draw about people happen in less than three seconds. So, if we don’t see positive signs (like smiling, laughter, body language, etc.), we subconsciously assume that the person will reject us if we approach them. It might be quite stressful experience for someone and lead to negative future expectations.


So, for people who haven’t trained their brains to get overcome this responsible brain part and eliminate their fear of social rejection, approach anxiety can be nearly impossible to overcome. Fear is something you learn to manage and navigate. You use the positive aspects of fear without having to suffer from the negatives.

But how can we overcome anxiety?

Approach Anxiety

Know who you are

You should be able to know who you are. It seems something philosophical. However there is the base for a new view about what gives insecurities and fear in your life. If you want to get over your personal insecurities, write a list of all of your weak sides. And then, when you are ready with your list, write 3 strengths for every one weakness you wrote. And every week, pick a weakness, and write down how you plan to overcome it. Make your plan detailed and clear.

Respect your results

Learn how to respect your interaction results. The good results are fine, but the most important is what you learn of your faults. Have you seen your mistakes? Is there something that missing when you talk to women? Do you create the right emotions?

Expect failure, and come to view as feedback for improvement. It’s important to see your mistakes as possibilities for growth. The best people in any walk of life fail more than they succeed. In all parts of life, you will fail more than you succeed.

Forget to consider your fails such as negative. If you fail, it’s no big deal. Fails make you more aware, open your eyes for something unseen before and give you more experience as well. Acknowledge that you will always have faults. That’s the thing about people – nobody is perfect. You can always improve yourself, but you will never be perfect. Perfection is only ideal.

Keep in mind that the world doesn’t owe you anything

You can be the best guy in the world. You might be smart, have a perfect body, nice face, wealthy, an active lifestyle…and there will still be plenty women who will reject you.

But why?

It’s because the world doesn’t owe you a beautiful girls. There’s no guarantee that you will have success, despite how much efforts you’ve done. All you can do is your part. Once you’ve done your part, it’s all you can do. No matter what the reason, even if you handle a situation perfectly, there will always be times when you lose. But just like in hazard, if you make the statistically correct moves every single time, you will come out on top in the long run.

Don’t accept rejection personally

Understand that if she rejects you, she’s not rejecting you as a person. Actually, often times when girls reject you is not because they were not attracted. But there are many other reasons such as: your approach was a little off and she is embarrassed, or she has a boyfriend, or you stop approaching and didn’t persist etc.

And if it was because she wasn’t attracted, she can’t possibly be rejecting you as a person because she doesn’t know you. It’s not a rejection of yourself personally. However, it’s just a combination (or lack) of skills, timing and success to be at the right place, the right time and women’s character and mood.

Show her your exiting world

If you see a beautiful girl anywhere, you must first understand that this girl’s life is probably an average person in this world. She has her own worries, problems and personal insecurities. But you as a man will give her amazing memories, teach her something new, inspire her to try things she is too afraid or apprehensive of doing. You’ve shown her a new world which brought excitement into her very ordinary life and she is more than happy to be there. 

But to do this, you must always act.

Be ready for action.

Every day can give you new opportunities to find interesting girls. Grab every opportunity to meet these new guys. But first, you should be able to decide what you really want out of the interaction. Do you want to take the girl home? Do you want only to take her number? Do you want a new female friend?

Don’t make these two mistakes: never trying at all and/or giving up too early. Your role is to have control of your behavior and grabs all your chances to make contact. Be proactive. Once you are trying to take contact, you should learn how to push until you can’t push anymore. Stop worrying about future and start living now. If you want to approach a cute woman and you are nervous about going for it. You probably might feel the internal resistance. But his resistance is only in your mind. Actually, you lose nothing (except your ego). However, you can win interesting company and many more to prove your ability to make new friends and have fun.

Be social, open and talkative. Don’t be afraid to talk to people all day long. But start slowly and then progress. It doesn’t matter who it is. It can be an old woman at the bus station, or bar tender at the bar. Try to talk to them. Then as you interact with more people, try to include emotions and histories about you or something which makes you an interesting person. Pay attention to your voice and intonation. If you have problems with your voice volume, try to create more energy and power in your body. Exercises generate a vibe and energy which give you more positive outlook, good mood to battling approach anxiety and staying positive as well.