Scorpio condoms outsell all others. That’s probably because people
try to impress each other with their sexual prowess by pretending
that they’re a Scorpio. The truth is that no right thinking Scorpio
would get caught dead wearing a condom. But then death doesn’t
scare a Scorpio. And a Scorpio doesn’t get caught.

Scorpio condoms come in two editions, basic black and the stealthy
invisible model. Both leather and studs are optional. Also, because
propriety concerns Scorpio, each package of Scorpio condoms
comes with a pre-printed, presocial agreement. Symbolized by the
venomous Scorpion, when you really want to sting your lover, you
want a Scorpio condom.



Sagittarians are known for their worldly pursuits, gamesmanship,
cosmopolitan attitude and knack for doing things in a big way.
Sagittarian condoms are the sportier models. They come equipped
with travel cases.

Sagittarian condoms are the ones that go with you and grow with
you. They promise a lot and they are extra thick to protect against
fluids of a dubious nature. The archer symbolizes Sagittarius.
When you want to be on target with Cupid’s arrows, you want
a Sagittarius condom.


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Capricorns are known for their longevity, wisdom, practicality,
ambition and earthy sensuality. Capricorns tend to be on the
conservative side. Capricorn condoms are the most durable,
having the longest shelf life. Capricorn condoms are extra
strong to last extra long.

With Capricorn condoms, wing tips, pin stripes and brief cases
are optional. Be sure to shake them out from time to time,
otherwise they go stale. Capricorn is the sign of the mountain
goat. When you’re horny enough to climb the mountains of
love, you want a Capricorn condom.


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Aquarians are gregarious, yet aloof. Aquarius is a high energy sign,
and one that is usually politically correct. Aquarian condoms are
just a little bit kinky. They come colored hot pink and electric blue,
and they come with a battery pack to light up in the dark and French
ticklers for extra stimulation.

Since Aquarius is a social sign, Aquarian condoms come
in multi-packs and are detachable to share with your friends.
Aquarius is the sign of the water bearer.When your love juices really
get to flowing, you want an Aquarius condom.


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Pisces is known for their deep feelings that somewhat border on
mysticism.Pisces are idealistic, sometimes to the point of ecstatic
bliss. Pisces condoms are truly extra sensitive and translucent. Little
spikes are optional on the inside.

Pisces condoms contain special instructions for erotic fantasy games.
Pisces is the sign of the fishes. When it smells like love and you’re on
a seafood diet, you want a Pisces condom.


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Aries is the first sign of the zodiac. Aries are action oriented people.
Aries is symbolized by the ram, so naturally Aries condoms are made from
the finest lambskin. Because Aries often exhibits a “get up and go”
attitude, Aries condoms are steel belted, feature racing stripes, and
every fully equipped sports car dispenses them. Onyx packaging is
optional for the black sheep. Aries prides themselves on being first and
best. Aries condoms are perfect for quickies. When you want what you
want when you want it, you want an Aries condom.


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Taurus is perhaps the most sensual and economy minded of the
astrological signs. Taurus condoms are made from the most luxurious
materials with special models available in silk and velvet. Taurus
condoms give you quality at an affordable price, and they’re frequently
on sale.

Taurians may be slow to make their minds, but once they’ve made a
decision, they’re almost impossible to stop. When your love is a sure
thing, you want a Taurus condom. The bull symbolizes Taurus. Taurus
condoms are the ones you want when you’re really horny.


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Geminis are known for their versatility, intellect and communications
skills.Accordingly, Gemini condoms accommodate a variety of sexual
positions and combinations. Gemini condoms are sold in multi-packs and
come with a
special audio chip. Naturally, they’re available through mail order.

Frequently, Gemini condoms sell two for the price of one. They always
come in special pop up dispensers so that you don’t have to work too
hard.Gemini is the sign of the twins and Gemini condoms come in twin
packs and are the preferred model for double headers. When you need to
do it more than once, you need Gemini condoms.


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Cancer is a water sign and as such is very much interested in safety and
tradition. Therefore, Cancer condoms are waterproof and heat-treated for
hot tubs and natural springs. Cancer condoms make you feel secure.
Cancer is also the sign of motherhood. With Cancer condoms, if you
decide to become a parent, you can always return the unused portion for
a partial refund. Cancer condoms are clingy. Never has history know a
time when Cancer condoms were not available. Fine antique specimens
grace many collections.

Cancer is associated with the breasts. The makers of Cancer condoms
are happy to sponsor the annual spring “Breast Worship Rituals.”
Cancer condoms are freely dispensed to beautiful, large breasted women.
Cancer is symbolized by the crab. When you’re not getting enough love and
are starting to feel crabby, reach for a Cancer condom.



Leos are known for their passion, pride, and (pro)creative urges.
Leos tend to be a bit flashy, showy and original in and out of bed.
Leo condoms come in gold foil packaging with custom monogramming. Leo
condoms come in one size: extra, extra-large. Leo is symbolized by the
lion. When you’re ready to meet your mate and make wild jungle noises,
you’re ready for a Leo condom.


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Virgos are fussy and particular. Virgo condoms feature perfection of fit
and they keep you neat and clear. Virgo tend to be environmentally sound
consumer types. Naturally, Virgo condoms have the lowest failure rate,
the highest performance rating and come equipped with a detailed, all
purpose instruction manual.

Virgo is symbolized by the virgin. When you’re ready for some ritualized
defloration activities, you’re ready for a Virgo condom.


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Libras are suave and anxious to please others. Libra condoms are the
fancy European models and come in fashionable handpainted designer
packaging.Libra condoms make for an elegant accessory on the best dates.
Libra condoms are aesthetically pleasing to both partners. They are
reversible and can turn into a diaphragm thus sharing the
responsibilities. Libra is symbolized by the scales. When sex weighs
heavily on your mind, you want a Libra condom.


2 thoughts on “Astrology”

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